How Do I Wanna Feel?

by Christopher Lovejoy on February 6, 2022

Could the key to perpetual liberation be a perpetually calibrated response to “how do I wanna feel?”

Could it be this simple?

Let’s find out, shall we?

Objections from Elsewhere

We ourselves can invite ourselves to ask ourselves: “how do I wanna feel?”

Let’s explore and examine this deceptively simple question closely, first, by entertaining objections to this question from elsewhere; second, by addressing these objections with tender loving care; and third, by offering some delicious and nutritious responses to the question itself.

Finally, we’ll return to address the question that began this post.

First, in response to “how do I wanna feel?,” here are some objections that come to mind . . .


Objection 1: I don’t like the use of “how” ~ just intend; the “how” will take care of itself

Objection 2: I don’t like the use of “do” ~ I don’t do feelings; I just feel my feelings

Objection 3: I don’t like the use of “I” ~ who is “I”? there is no “I!”

Objection 4: I don’t like the use of “wanna” ~ it’s sounds too indulgent

Objection 5: I don’t like the use of “want” ~ it implies “lack;” why would I want?

Objection 6: I don’t like this question ~ it’s takes me out of the present moment

Objection 7: Easy for you to say ~ I rarely if ever feel good about anything

Objection 8: Easy for you to say ~ I rarely if ever feel anything at all

By all appearances, the question “how do I wanna feel?” seems presumptuous, if not downright offensive. Overall, these objections seem to add up to what amounts to a stonewall. There also seems to be a rather large streak of “present-ism” running through these objections as a whole.

Can the question ~ “how do I wanna feel?” ~ be saved from oblivion?

Let’s find out by addressing each objection in turn, not with a view toward finding any sort of resolution, but with a view toward exposing some crusty assumptions about what is presumed to be good, better, and best for “me,” so as to loosen up any attachments to these assumptions.


Objection 1: I don’t like the use of “how” ~ just intend; the “how” will take care of itself

Let’s suppose I intend how I wanna feel for the rest of my life: “I allow myself to feel good for the rest of my life.” If I repeat this statement as a mantra every morning for the rest of my life, would I not then become attuned to the ways and means of feeling good for the rest of my life?

But of course.

I’d begin to attract these ways and means to the degree to which I could handle their volume over time, but would I also be willing to know which ways are better than the others? And which are best? And how would I know which are more or less relevant and significant to me? Would I also know which of these ways and means are no longer relevant and significant to me?

So when I say I wanna feel good, what exactly do I wanna feel?

Details, please!


Objection 2: I don’t like the use of “do” ~ I don’t do feelings; I just feel my feelings

Fair enough. I don’t do feelings either. How about this: “how would I prefer to feel?”

Would that be prim and proper enough?


Objection 3: I don’t like the use of “I” ~ who is “I”? there is no “I!”

Who is I? There is no I? What the fook?!

Oh, okay, I get it. We’re playing the non-duality game, the one that essentially says that everyone everywhere and everywhen is but a fractal of Absolute Consciousness expressing itself choicelessly here and now and forevermore, and all one needs to do is “go with the flow, baby!”

Alright!

But wait! How is it that we have this notion of choiceless? Does this not imply choice? Regardless of what the neuroscience says about making choices even before we’re conscious, can’t we pretend, just for fun, that we can shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions in the long term?

Just sayin’.

So let’s ask our lovely fractals for “selves” ~ “how do “I” wanna feel?”

Just for fun.

Wait, what? That’s no fun? A prison? A madhouse? Why so serious?


Objection 4: I don’t like the use of “wanna” ~ it’s sounds too indulgent

Noted.

I must admit, though, “wanna, wanna, wanna” does sound a tad indulgent.

Okay, how about this: “how do I want to feel?”

Prim and proper. Just the way we like it!


Objection 5: I don’t like the use of “want” ~ it implies “lack;” why would I want?

Yeah, I know, I feel you, and I agree with you: wanting does imply lacking. Okay, so check this out: “could I allow myself to release any sense of wanting (and therefore lacking) before I pose this yummy question: how do I wanna feel, with no sense of wanting, and therefore lacking?

And no, I don’t mean to sound facetious here!


Objection 6: I don’t like this question ~ it’s takes me out of the present moment

Wow, you’re good. No, really; you’re amazing! How did you get to be so good at being pitch perfect positive in all that you say and do? Please, do share your insights with the rest of us peons of emotionality and spirituality. No, really! Please do share! Because you’re just freakin’ awesome!

Seriously, could I allow myself to bypass this negative feeling (insert negative feeling here: ______), if only as a temporary measure, so as to make room and to hold space for an experience of future presence where I get to choose how I wish to feel at some future time and date?

I know, I know, wordy, wordy, but there it is for your divine (royal?) consideration.


Objection 7: Easy for you to say ~ I rarely if ever feel good about anything

I’m really sorry to hear that. Seriously. I’ve been there, done that, too. It’s awful. Really and truly awful. Feels like it’s gonna go on forever and ever and ever, yes? Yes. So what to do? More to the point, who to be? Aye, there’s the ticket: who to be, with feeling, while expressing?


Objection 8: Easy for you to say ~ I rarely if ever feel anything at all

This sounds like death warmed over on a freezing cold day with only a tiny blush of warmth to be had. I feel like I’m way over my head here. You rarely if ever feel anything at all? Yikes. Have you googled “tips on dealing with anhedonia”? I would start there, if you haven’t already.

And then, with these tips, I would make this question your constant companion: how do I wanna feel now? how do I wanna feel now? how do I wanna feel now? Couple this advice with seeking and finding ways to regenerate and restore your neuroplastic brain to start feeling again.

Have you heard of the book, “How to Fix Your Brain,” by Dr. T ? No, wait, it’s called “You Can Fix Your Brain: Just 1 Hour a Week to the Best Memory, Productivity, and Sleep You’ve Ever Had.”

How’s that for a title!

Alright, let’s get really and truly personal.

Who I Am and How I Feel

First, let’s make a key distinction in terms of doing between “who I am” and “how I feel,” which I am presenting here in three basic forms (past, present, and future). The sheer power of these fundamental choices is that they serve to inform and inspire our every waking moment . . .


looking backward

did I do this because this is who I am, regardless of how I feel?
or
did I do this because this is how I feel, regardless of who I am?

looking inward

am I doing this because this is who I am, regardless of how I feel?
or
am I doing this because this is how I feel, regardless of who I am?

looking forward

will I do this because this is who I am, regardless of how I feel?
or
will I do this because this is how I feel, regardless of who I am?

For me, a curiosity arises when I adhere too tightly to being: if I don’t lose touch with my feelings altogether, then I restrict access to my feelings. Conversely, a curiosity arises when I indulge feelings: if I don’t altogether lose touch with my being, I nevertheless restrict access to my being.

Truly, “be here now” is fine, as far it goes, but then, so is “feel here now” (if you catch my drift). So, who do we wanna be in this moment? And, how do we wanna feel in this moment? Might there be a way to find convergence and congruence for being and feeling in every moment?

Come on now, dear reader, keep asking those questions; the answers will come!

Delicious, Nutritious Feelings

So how do we wanna feel? At ease? Light and lovely? Alive and playful? Peaceful and blissful? Loved and adored? Loving and adoring? Informed and inspired? Anxious and depressed? (< wait, what are those two doing in this list?! how dare they!) Calm and clear? Pleased and pleasing?

How about loved and cherished? Wise and compassionate? Wild and free? (oh yeah!)

What do you suppose is the source of all these delicious, nutritious feelings? Is there a magical box inside us that opens when we give it a tap or two, when we want some more? Tap, tap: “more, please!”

Or is the source of these heavenly feelings a unique sort of relationship that we cultivate with ourselves day in and day out? You know the one, the one where your inner voice keeps whispering, “I’ve got your back; you’re on the right path. You can do this, and it’s gonna be wonderful. People need this, and you’re doing this for all the right reasons. It’s so very aligned, so just keep going!”

How would you like this kind of relationship with yourself, your life, your reality?

Now you might be wondering, “sounds like a pipe dream; where does one even begin to cultivate that kind of relationship?” I’ll tell you where: it begins by speaking truth into existence and experience with four key words, along with a quick and simple embrace of their enlightened use.

First, the key words:

love, trust, ease, flow

I know, doesn’t sound like much, right?

But wait until I give you the explainer that follows. Here it is (see, I don’t like beating around the bush, not with something as important and potentially life-saving as this!), almost as easy as 1, 2, 3:


(1) commit these key words to memory; say them out loud, softly and slowly, again and again, until you’re sure you can bring them to mind and heart whenever, wherever you feel the need or desire;


love, trust, ease, flow

(2) summon these key words with feeling whenever, wherever you begin to feel out of sorts with some one, some place, or some thing, with as much intensity as you need, for a long as you need; and

(3) apply these key words as and when you know you wanna flow with the go!

See how easy that was?

With these tips at your beck and call, you’ll be able to bring them into almost any encounter or experience.

But what if the internal stores of love and trust are running low?

No problem!

Just play the game known as “I love, love, love . . .”

Here are some of my favorites:

I love, love, love . . . the pleasure of my own company

I love, love, love . . . my privacy, my solitude, and my freedom, moving at my own pace, in my own space, being and doing as I feel called to be and do ~ freely, flowingly, and with nary a constraint

I love, love, love . . . being open to experience ~ to novel experience, to natural experience, to nascent experience, to experience that would have me come alive and stay alive to both inner and outer worlds, with and through a wide open awareness until inner and outer become One

Wowzers, I went a little over the edge with that one, didn’t I? Here’s another . . .

I love, love, love . . . bonding with others and bringing them together intimately, meaningfully, ecstatically

And here, I’m not talking about drunken orgies (use your imagination!). And another . . .

I love, love, love . . . to lose myself in the anticipations of travel, finding and following peaceful, blissful trails of novelty and variety that keep bringing up all manner of signs, signals, and synchronicities

I love, love, love . . . to cogitate and contemplate, cultivate and calibrate, celebrate and consummate, on my own terms, the meaning of life, the universe, and . . . your turn! I love, love, LOVE ________ .

Keep your list for future reference.

Refer to it often!

That Big Scary Question, Revisited

Okay, let’s revisit that big scary question I posed at the beginning of this post: could the key to perpetual liberation be a perpetually calibrated response to “how do I wanna feel?”

So far in this post, I shared that each and every one of us is susceptible to being stonewalled with a formidable phalanx of objections (or, if you much prefer, susceptible to being repelled by a formidable minefield of objections) that keep each of us from feeling much if anything at all.

As you can well imagine, this is not a good thing. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone. Feeling, in essence, is life itself; without much if any feeling, there is simply little to no life! Puppets, robots, zombies, and sheeple, take note. Please. I beg of thee. There are too many of you!

I then shared a key distinction between “being” and “feeling,” between “who I am” and “how I feel,” noting that harmony within is inevitable for those of us who keep track of who we are and how we feel, which means bringing being into feeling, even as we ground feeling with being.

I then shared my take on delicious, nutritious feelings: (a) that they exist, and (b) that we are worthy and deserving of feeling them on our own terms, at our own pace, in our own ways, for our own reasons.

I then shared a couple of juicy exercises (love, trust, ease, flow and I love, love, love . . .) for tapping and tuning into these special feelings. And so now we’re ready (I’m ready! Are you ready?) to address the cosmic granddaddy of all questions that kicked off this post, as follows:


could the key to perpetual liberation be a perpetually calibrated response to “how do I wanna feel?”

I must confess from the outset that this is heady, lofty stuff. It’s easy to get lost in the depths of our feelings, especially when they’re so delicious and nutritious! You might even be tempted to kick fate to the curb to embrace your heavenly destiny on Earth for all that you’re worth.

And then some.

But !

I would urge caution.

What you’re about to learn will likely change your soul, your life, your fate . . . forever!

Okay, let’s get to it!

The Key to Perpetual Liberation

In my question to end all questions, I entertained what I call “a perpetually calibrated response to ‘how do I wanna feel?'” Here, I will keep my focus on the meaning of “perpetually calibrated response” in light of two questions: (1) who do I wanna be? and (2) how do I wanna feel?

So no, the key to perpetual liberation is not (only, merely, simply) a perpetually calibrated response to “how do I wanna feel?” At the risk of sounding obvious, the key to perpetual liberation is a perpetually calibrated response to “who do I wanna be?” and “how do I wanna feel?”

Where the recital of these four key words ~ love, trust, ease, flow ~ tap and tune who I wanna be, the sentence stem ~ “I love, love, love . . .” ~ taps and tunes how I wanna feel. For as long as we can exercise these two vital prompts in daily life, we have a real chance at convergence and congruence, as a matter of fact and as a matter of value, in this life, and in lives to come.

We’ll know when we’ve arrived when we know without a doubt when and where we can make time and space to be and feel, when and where we can welcome any and all feelings from the mysterious depths, when and where we can coordinate being, knowing, thinking, and feeling.

A robust sense of unity and harmony within is inevitable for those of us who keep track of who we are and how we feel, which means, in essence, bringing the vibrancy of being into the vitality of feeling, even as we ground the vitality of feeling with and through the vibrancy of being.

My God, could it be that simple?

Yes, dear reader. Yes.

Absolutely yes.

Addendum

A new version of an ancient calling has come into view for those with eyes to see and hearts to feel. They who embrace the newly energized heart, and who allow mind and body to follow, will bring a true world into view for those to come, and for those yet to show themselves.

All that is required of you is that you let go of all that prepared you for this time on Earth.

You call it current reality; we call it the past ~ trust the acceleration and follow the rapids.

The way of the butterfly is inconceivable to the caterpillar, yet it follows its natural impulse to become as one. Dare to dream your dream into being with feeling, for this is the pregnant collective wish, the timely request, the cosmic offer, the invite of a glorious, harmonious future.

/

I craft a future of promise and possibility from a space of truth, love, and power in a state of future presence, where I feel completely at ease, here and now, in the moment, immersed in the intelligence of Self, not dwelling in past experience, not projecting past into future through any belief in lack or limitation, but by being and feeling here, now, choosing what I prefer to experience, choosing what I desire for my future, choosing what I wish to experience. This is how we function: by simply feeling into a state of future presence, connecting to the intelligence of Self, insightfully and intuitively, without dwelling on lack or limitation, or on what is possible or not possible.

This is the hallowed space of insight and inspiration.

~ yours

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