In View of Forevermore

by Christopher Lovejoy on October 12, 2020

The uncommon practice of being highly sensitive ~ receptive, reflective, responsive ~ to sight, sound, and sensation is, for me, a beautiful one that is full of small everyday wonders and delights, but all the more so when this sensitivity extends to thought, feeling, urge, and impulse.

In becoming highly sensitive to this extent, I have also become aware of the extent to which the ego can fortify itself behind defenses that cover over all manner of ambiguities and uncertainties in life, especially as they pertain to the “me, myself, and I” beyond security and certainty.

Beyond security and certainty lie the unknown and the unknowable.

ego (n.): a subject of thinking, feeling, and willing subsisting in separation from other subjects

egoic (adj.): of the ego, or that which relates to the ego; e.g., the egoic mind, egoic consciousness, egoic postures, egoic defenses, egoic morality, egoic psychology, egoic virtues and vices, egoic behavior

The ego would have us assume, perhaps wisely, that it needs a sense of security and a sense of certainty by which to live, love, lust, and learn, and so, who are we to argue with this seemingly impeccable existential logic? For without any sense of security and certainty, who are we?

But what are we to make of those who crave security and certainty?

Truth be told, who has not craved security or certainty? Certainly, such a craving is all too evident in obsessive, compulsive, passive, aggressive, submissive, or regressive behavior. As far as I can tell, and as a part of growing into maturity, we have all been subject to such behavior.

Such behavior is by turns subtle and obvious, covert and overt, and is more or less intense, even as it is more or less mature. At its worst, such behavior is marked by frequent bouts of exertion, or by long, slow burns over time with the intention to deceive, manipulate, and exploit.


Many associate the ego with the almighty controller, but let us never forget this is just one of many roles the ego plays. Under threat of harm, this egoic posture assumes the guise of invincibility; under threat of hurt, it assumes the guise of invulnerability against any and all slights.

Sadly, even in the absence of threat or slight, the pattern of exerting almighty control can endure.

It has been said that this grand posturing in the face of threat or slight only aims to feel safe and secure from harm or hurt, but a true inquiry reveals far more: an all-consuming desire to feed the illusion of being god-like in stature, where harm or hurt is no longer ever an issue.

Where ultimate control is concerned, however, the challenge to humanity remains: the posture of the almighty controller presumes to assume a position of omnipotence, one that would exert supreme control over everyone and everything until it feels wholly safe, secure, and significant.

Paradoxically, however, no ego in existence can feel safe, secure, and significant once and for all. In my experience, the more the ego attempts to control itself, others, and life itself, the more it tempts fate with resistance or rage against “the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.”

In resisting the currents of life, in repelling those around it, the oppressive and oppressed ego acting and behaving under the influence of the almighty controller either takes a mighty fall and goes down fighting or fights a lifelong battle under a constant barrage of slings and arrows.

If fortunate, such an ego relinquishes any notion that “I’ll feel safe, secure, and significant when I can control everyone and everything,” while learning that true power resides, not in fear-based shame-based control, but in mindfulness centered and grounded in love, trust, and care.


For as long as the almighty controller holds sway, the great pretender can also play a role: “the world is a mess, but me? I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.” As an innocent bystander to life, the great pretender can make believe that nothing is fake or false, bad or wrong.

The great pretender might even insist that “whatever happens in my life, nothing can go wrong if I believe this to be so.” An addiction to power, indeed, any addiction whatsoever, however, requires this simple acknowledgement: “I am addicted (to power and control, for example).”

Furthermore, “as an addict, I live in denial of my addiction; I have yet to take any responsibility for my role in creating and dispelling it, and I have yet to summon the care and the courage that I require to take a close look at the source and meaning of my behavior and conduct.”

Finally, “I now feel ready and willing to heal the rift between self and other.”


Moving beyond any temptation to be the almighty controller or to be the great pretender by bridging the gap between self and other is no small feat. It is the work of a lifetime; it involves coming to terms with a vacillation between the blameless victim and the incredulous critic.

the blameless victim: “there’s no way I can be responsible for this!”
the incredulous critic: “why can’t you just do as I say and do as I do?”

With these roles, there’s no controlling or pretending; in effect, while projecting the illusion of control, the undercurrent is clear: “I’m out of control!” or “I’m not in control!” For the ego, however, control is paramount, as it brings approval and security, and therefore certainty.

In a very strange way, blame is a gift ~ it alerts us to feeling out of control; it offers an opportunity to step up. Blame is also a barometer; the extent to which I blame the other is the extent to which I feel out of control, and yet, how much I have yet to “go and grow with the flow.”

Rather than indulge acts of blaming and shaming, rather than defend against dealing with unpleasant realities, one might instead benefit by asking: “in facing up to this apparent threat or slight, do I not have the strength and maturity to step up, to go and grow with the flow?”

Also: “in what way, if any, did I contribute to this problem, difficulty, or conflict?”

And: “in what way, if any, can I help address, dispel, or resolve it?”


The almighty controller. The great pretender. The blameless victim. The incredulous critic.

Egoic postures are as much dispensations to the ego as they are compensations for the ego. That is to say, from a certain point of view, they need not be banished or punished. They are simply attempts to come to terms with difficult realities that go beyond the capabilities of the ego.

Rather than make believe these postures don’t apply to you, or apply to you only a little, consider instead the potential value of embracing these roles as a journal writer, as an author of a story, as an artist who enjoys indulging fantasy, or as an explorer or experimenter in real life.

In this situation, how might I profit from being the almighty controller? In that situation, how might I indulge in being the blameless victim? In this interaction, how might I benefit from being the great pretender? In that interaction, how might I step up and be the incredulous critic?

The point here is not to lose yourself in these roles forevermore, but to more fully embody and express their guidance and their wisdom, and thereby, paradoxically, be less subject to their influence if, as, or when push comes to shove in these real life situations and interactions.

Consider, too, the many potential interactions and relations between these four egoic roles, both virtually and in actuality. For example, how might the great pretender complement the almighty controller? How might the incredulous critic face off against the blameless victim?

How do these egoic postures attempt to deal with the ambiguities and uncertainties of life?

When a painful, distressing truth is too much for it to bear, the ego instinctively defends and protects its unity by way of sanity; if successful, the posture adopted is used yet again to defend and protect to the point where it saddles itself with outdated, dysfunctional inner programming.

The consequences are not pretty.

The beleaguered ego feels unworthy and undeserving; it feels compelled to flee, fight, or freeze; it feels on edge around others; it feels like an innocent victim; it feels as if “the whole world is against me;” it views the world in black and white terms; in hardship, it jumps to extremes; it tends to be overly critical and/or sarcastic; it rarely if ever takes the blame; it is by turns cynical and idealistic; it broadcasts ridiculously high expectations; it feels chronic or acute dissatisfaction with itself or with life more often than not; it struggles with addictive tendencies; it comes across as obsessive-compulsive; it tends to overthink; it often feels like an imposter; and it feels disconnected from its true purpose in life.

Consider this laundry list of egoic plaints as a goldmine of who to be and what to do instead.

If you’re under the sway of the almighty controller, where “I’ll feel safe, secure, and significant when I can control everyone and everything,” consider it a practice to cultivate a witness perspective through meditation, while reserving the option to be a witness to your reality.

If you’re under the sway of the great pretender, where “the world is beyond hope and help, but me? I’m doing just fine, thank you very much,” consider it a practice to explore and examine your feelings, while reserving the option to question your reactions to strong emotions.

If you’re under the sway of the blameless victim, where “there’s absolutely no way I can be held accountable or responsible for any of this,” consider it a practice to explore and examine your assumptions, while reserving the option to question your beliefs or presumptions.

If you’re under the sway of the incredulous critic, where “why can’t everyone be just like me, to say as I say, to do as I do, and to do as I say?,” consider it a practice to treat yourself or others to some loving kindness, while reserving the option to approach your life with loving kindness.

Make it a habit to inquire into who and what you are with loving kindness from a witness perspective.


As I bring these practices to fruition, I walk a fine line between indulgence and expression. As I become better at walking it, I feel better able to extend my care and compassion to those reacting under the influence of these egoic postures and their defensive, protective maneuvers.

In bringing these maneuvers to light from within myself, and playing with them as I see fit with all due respect to the boundaries of others, I am better able to spot them ~ fusing facts with feelings, making unwarranted assumptions, indulging extreme beliefs, among many others.

When time and inclination permit, I “release, receive, and relax” to embody a pristine awareness.

1) I release any sense of needing or wanting, including any sense of needing or wanting to release any sense of needing or wanting ~ I loosen my attention on needing or wanting anything from anyone; here and now, just for now, I need not accept or reject anyone or anything

2) I receive the timelessness of foreverness into awareness with and through the experience of changelessness, even as I allow the foreverness of timelessness to meet the continuum of experience with the ongoingness of changelessness and the changelessness of ongoingness

note: ongoingness is a pure allowance and acceptance of experience in a continuum of experiences without fixation on experience

3) I relax into allowing and accepting the naturalness and obviousness of what is, here and now and forevermore, even as I rest in peacefulness, allowing and accepting the perpetuity of continuousness with awareness, being and doing as blissfulness would have me be and do

One more affirmation . . .

I am the author of my own experience of reality: I remain true to the fundamentals of my life and pay it forward; I create ego syntonic flows with harmonious rhythms, even as I negotiate and navigate delays with grace and ease to compound my efforts through time in view of forevermore.


what does it mean to assign a meaning?
what does it mean to feel into meaning?

what does it mean to love, trust, and care?
what does it mean to trust in love and care?
what does it mean to care for love and trust?

what does it mean to suffer? is suffering necessary? if so, why?
what does it mean to fall into despair? is it necessary? if so, why?

what is the purpose of life? is the purpose of life a life of purpose?
what is the meaning of life? is the meaning of life a life of meaning?

what does it mean to be satisfied? what does it mean to be fulfilled?
does anything really, truly matter? if so, what really, truly matters?

~ yours

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