My Life < 3 > My Story

by Christopher Lovejoy on June 21, 2020

what am I doing here and now that will have me
feeling absolutely, positively giddy with ecstasy?

A pure being at peace with bliss is a beautiful thing to behold and become.

Here, now, I am, alive and aware, awake and alert, with a native depth and breadth of clarity of not knowing and not caring what comes next, while paradoxically feeling prepared to know and care about what comes next if, as, when the caring remains appropriate to the knowing.

This affirmation of the self is a ridiculously prescient and powerful one, one that remains inaccessible to all but a few, the few who can fully appreciate, if not understand fully, who and what they are as they persist in living and loving, inward and outward, the stories of their lives.

Any wound of separation, however this cares to manifest in and for the body, is a calling to heal the space between fate and destiny, soul and spirit, life and story, to arrive at a place in time where “I live and love the story of my life,” even as “I like and love who I am in my story.”

Certain fundamental, alchemical questions, however, continue to go begging.

Who am I? What am I?

I am a composite of higher and lower in reference to someone in between.

This someone in between is conscious, aware and alert in the moment, for the moment, with a will to be or not be; with a will to do or not do, if, as, when it desires; with a will to have or not have, if, as, when it wishes; even as it prefers to be, do, or have this, that, or the other thing.

Above this conscious someone in between, a higher principle of guidance is available, if not accessible, to manifest a vision, an ideal, a more or less permanent desire, and below this conscious someone in between, a lower principle of guidance stands ready to support the realization.

In the alchemy of humanity, this triadic self goes by many names, but for my purposes here, I shall call them out as soul, ego, and spirit. In this schema, the ego in progress serves to manage and mediate, not only soul and spirit, but life and story, fate and destiny, sacred and divine.

The principle of ego at the heart of life is to manage and mediate soul and spirit: where the principle of soul, below yet behind the heart of life, is to love fate with sacred intent, the principle of spirit, above yet not beyond the heart of story, is to manifest a destiny with divine intent.

As an author, agent, and actor, the ego can only reign supreme if, as, when it is ready, willing, and able to mediate and manage soul and spirit with sacred and divine intent, respectively, in service to loving fate and manifesting a destiny worthy of life and a story worthy of destiny.

The ego, however, cannot succeed at forcing anyone to like it or love it, nor can it make itself or the world perfect in a flash. What it can do is choose: choose who to be in this moment, choose when and how to respond, and choose to change itself or its circumstances for the better.

At any moment, the ego contains a promise to choose and to choose well and wise.

Guidance from Below, Guidance from Above

Properly understood, the mature ego is a marvel to behold, if as when it manages and mediates soul and spirit decisively and effectively; if as when it remains central to the activities of soul and spirit; if as when it remains central to the guidance from below and above, respectively.

The term manage is a throwaway word in common parlance, but is actually rich and ripe with meaning from an existential and alchemical point of view, and can be used to good or great effect by the ego to buttress its mediation of soul and spirit, life and story, fate and destiny.

manage, v.: be in charge; handle effectively; watch and direct; come to terms; carry on and function; act upon; dispose of; deal reasonably well with adversity or difficulty; realize a goal and be successful

suggested exercise: a less neutral meaning of manage was deliberately withheld, but holds the key to fostering and realizing a mature ego; I invite you to take a moment to consider what this might be

The immature ego is also a marvel to behold. The hallmark of an immature ego is that it presumes to know best without adequate guidance, to replace willingness with willfulness, not yet understanding that being passive, reactive, or compulsive is not the same as being responsive.

For the immature ego, there is little if any mediation between soul and spirit, between habit and vision, and therefore little if any account-ability and response-ability. For the immature ego, its management of life and story is rather naïve: acquire or achieve X through devious means.

Devious? Now here’s a word that merits attention.

devious, adj.: departing from accepted or proper ways with intent to mislead (“they use devious means to achieve success”); characterized by insincerity or deceit; evasive (a devious character)

synonyms: circuitous, oblique, roundabout, shifty

So why does the immature ego presume to know best without adequate guidance? And why does the immature ego replace willingness with willfulness, not yet understanding that being passive, reactive, or compulsive is not the same as being responsive? Good questions both.

By way of contrast, a mature ego is sincere, more often than not, as well as honest, more often than not. A mature ego is inclined to question beliefs, attitudes, or efforts that incline towards devious means or methods. A mature ego can choose to be passive and/or aggressive. The mature ego understands that devious intimations and inclinations fail to make allies of soul and spirit, respectively.

A mature ego understands: to manifest and maintain a pleasurable, desirable, enjoyable reality, while approaching the ultimate in fulfillment, the ego requires full cooperation with soul and spirit, although it must be admitted that the ego does not always know what is happening.

Why is this? Metaphorically speaking, because the ego is but a flashlight of awareness; its job is breathtakingly simple: to train its focus on an idea, an object, or an event. Essentially, this is it ~ nothing more, nothing less ~ and a mature ego does it well; an immature ego does not.

In support of the ego from below, soul treats the act of focus as an event and retains a memory of it for future reference, while spirit from above uses this memory, if so directed, as part of a pattern that’s woven to guide the manifestation of a more-or-less equivalent experience in reality.

Here’s an example: I am now entertaining the prospect of waking up feeling rested and refreshed every morning for the rest of my life until that moment when I pass in peace in my sleep, but I wonder: in turning this prospect into an intention, might it bring unintended consequences?

I know from experience that if I keep assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled, the wish itself will invariably, inevitably be made manifest, and so I make a point of using whatever means necessary upon awakening to feel rested and refreshed before rising from my bed after a sleep.

I allow myself to awaken feeling rested and refreshed every morning
for the rest of my life until the moment I pass with peace in my sleep

The intention sounds awfully good in writing, but what if my ultimate fulfillment requires at least one morning in my future where I do not awaken feeling rested and refreshed? Just what if? If I intend any outcome X, am I not presuming to know best without adequate guidance, regardless of the intention set, while leaving myself open to bringing and bearing unintended consequences?

I might go so far as to embellish the intention, even at the risk of sounding absurd, as follows:

I hereby allow myself to be whoever I need to be, and to do and have whatever it takes, to awaken feeling rested and refreshed every morning for the rest of my life until that turnkey moment at the age of 100 or beyond when I pass from this life in my sleep at peace with this life.

In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time and timing, and for the highest good of all, I shall embrace this intention as my anchor on the way to serendipity, already sensing the way to realization, and so I accept this or something better.

Now you might be wondering: “what’s wrong with this intention? It sounds good to me.” And here, I would be inclined to agree; it does sound awe-fully good, so good in fact that it might be too good to be true, and not just this intention, but any lofty intention that I set for myself.

How could this be so?

Let the ego speak for me now: I have the backing of my soul every step of the way, informing me of the habits required to embody this intention, even as I have my spirit drawing me onward and upward every step of the way, moving me forward with a vision of the desired outcome.

The ego elaborates: if I fail to allow my soul to inform me of the habits required or if I fail to allow my spirit to inspire me with a vision of the desired outcome, what then? What devious course might I be tempted to take? What provocation or obligation might I be forced to endure?

The ego elaborates further: I already know enough to assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled, but from a witness perspective, might I not risk the feeling of being stranded at and by the extremes of desire?

The extremes of desire? Let’s take a look …

if my life gave me nothing that I desired,
and this was not on my own terms, would I still have
the gratitude and generosity to show up?

{ … from the witness perspective … }

if my life gave me everything I desired,
and this was on my own terms, would I still have
the gratitude and generosity to show up?

It’s one thing to feel fated (remember, we are not our feelings), but it’s quite another to feel fooled (again, we are not our feelings) into believing “I now have it all, but I no longer feel gratitude and generosity for having it all, and so I will give up on gratitude and generosity.”

If nothing else, the extremes of desire are very convincing lies, compelling and propelling the ego to seek and find devious means by which to ignore, dismiss, avoid, suppress, evade, bypass, or escape the telling consequences of feeling fated or fooled by the extremes of desire.

Humanity has no easy language for the extremes of desire (a) because of its deep collective shame around feeling fated, and (b) because of its deep collective guilt around feeling fooled into believing that the goal of life is to have it all. Hint: the goal of life is not to “have it all.”

The aim of life is simply this: to be alive and to be alive. Note the subtle switch in emphasis. Note also the implication that the world is large enough (infinitely large) and complex enough (infinitely complex) for these feelings of being alive and being alive to arise indefinitely.

I will let the ego speak for itself: “if, as, when I choose to act in accordance with the intimations of soul, I am alive. If, as, when I choose to act in accordance with the inclinations of spirit, I am alive.” Hope springs eternal. Why? Because, potentially, guidance from above or below has no limits.

No limits in any space, and no limits on any timeline.

With the supposition that such guidance from above or below is inexhaustible, owing to the infinite, eternal nature of reality, it makes sense for the ego to identify and clarify its relationships with soul and spirit, to be open and receptive to their guidance in any space, on any timeline.

The soul is aware; unlike the ego, it can be influenced by what others say during sleep, while in shock, or under an anesthetic. Information can also be obtained from the soul in a hypnotic or meditative state about events that occurred in the past, of which the ego remains unaware.

The soul can also reason: it reasons deductively when a baby takes as fact a mother’s nipple being used for nourishment and then deduces that bottle nipples and pacifiers can be used for the same purpose, and it reasons inductively when a baby learns that crying attracts attention.

The soul, not the ego, is the center of awareness, the core of personal identity, as and when it turns automatically at the sound of its name, as and when it instantly recognizes its own handwriting, as and when the ego forgets who it is during amnesia; the soul remembers … always.

In view of these three attributes of soul, it is well and good that the ego matures into following its guidance, while learning that freedom is never about doing anything it pleases whenever or however it pleases, nor is it about making anything happen when it wants to make it happen.

The soul is rarely if ever corrupted; the ego, however, can and does corrupt its relationship with soul if, as, when it constantly criticizes others, worries incessantly about the future, ruminates on past mistakes or missteps seemingly without end, and expects too much from others.

Again, the ego cannot ever succeed at forcing anyone to like it or love it, nor can it make itself or the world perfect in a flash. What it can do is choose: choose who to be in this moment, choose when and how to respond, and choose to change itself or its circumstances for the better.

With the guidance of soul, the ego is free to choose and to choose well and wise. The spirit, on the other hand, is stirred into action when egoic beliefs that limit or conflict are absent; when the ego dwells long enough on an image with emotion, a physical equivalent is on the way.

That is, when the ego trains its focus on X, and decides then and there that X is true or a fact of life, mother soul will oblige the child ego by holding it as a belief or an attitude and father spirit will oblige the child ego by manifesting it as a more or less permanent part of its life.

Energy flows where attention goes, and manifestation follows attention. The more attention I give to X, the more likely I will manifest X in some way, shape, or form. The more pure my attention, the more pure my result; the more scattered my attention, the more mixed my results.

The more pure my intention to awaken rested and refreshed, the more pure the result. That is, the more coherent and consistent my intention to awaken rested and refreshed every day for the rest of my life until I pass in peace, the more coherent and consistent is the overall result.

Where the attention of soul is a matter of habit, the attention of ego is a matter of choice. The spirit will always endeavor to guide the ego towards manifesting what it desires, be it pleasant or unpleasant, but it will also inspire the ego to make better choices ~ if it’s willing to listen.

Spiritual guidance from on high is not unlike having a guardian angel who is always looking out for the highest good; always ready to give sound advice on how to move onward and upward; always willing to lend a helping hand when asked in the right way. Father spirit responds well, not to pleading, begging, beseeching, or crying for help, but to being given clear, direct instructions.

“Father spirit, in an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time and timing, and for the highest good of all, please guide my choices and actions to arrange the circumstances of my life in such a way that I manifest _____ as integral to my life.”

From the outset, the qualifications made guard against unintended consequences.

Furthermore, the qualifications that follow guard against a lack or loss of interest:

“Father spirit, I give thanks that this is being done and refuse to entertain any persistent fears, worries, or doubts along the way. If, however, I find that such fears, worries, or doubts do intrude, I will once again affirm, as above, the intention given. And so it is, and so shall it be.”

The spirit is paternal but need not be referenced as father spirit as one grows into being fatherly. In the kindtime, consider and, if you must, accept as a hypothesis, that you have a constant guide and companion, a Higher Self if you will, with some higher inner guidance to offer.

As a spirit guide, your essential silent partner (or father) can help you to dissolve or dispel many negative conditions in life, as well as help you understand and benefit from those conditions that seem negative but are necessary to serve as catalysts for your learning and growth.

Remember, too: we, as flashlights of awareness called egos, are never alone.

Where mother soul holds you up with beneficial habits, father spirit lifts you up with beneficial visions. Both soul and spirit can be personified through dialog, and both can serve as personal guides in ways and by means never thought possible, guiding you invisibly and beneficially.

It pays, however, to be aware of their influence to better follow their guidance.

Cultivate Contact, Follow Your Guidance

Here are 4 ways you can draw upon to make and maintain this subtle contact:

1) Bless the present: simply pay attention to truth, beauty, and goodness in your immediate environment; compliment whomever and whatever you can, as and when you can; immerse yourself in the moment, bypassing critical analysis, and welcome a growing sense of expansion.

2) Energize yourself: where mother soul offers egoic nourishment, father spirit offers egoic discernment; as sources of pure energy, they can be symbolized as flowing currents of energy, heavenly sights, harmonious sounds, delicious tastes, delightful aromas ~ all signs of contact.

3) Engage the wisdom: you walk alone at your leisure along a garden path and you catch sight of someone who appears unusually wise, someone who appears to embody mother soul or father spirit; you sit and talk, touch and listen, knowing that some wise guidance is forthcoming.

Any decisions will be left up to you; any orders will be construed as distortions.

4) Extend yourself: extend your sense of self into your physical and social environments with an expansive situational awareness of who, what, when, where, why, and how until you can feel into the people, places, or things that are no more separate from you than your hands or feet.

Move through this expansion as a measure of your contact with soul or spirit.

Once contact with mother soul or father spirit is made with and through any one of these methods, enjoy it for its own sake as a way to relax, release, restore, or refresh yourself, or simply allow your method(s) of choice to guide you onward and upward, as required or desired.

Essentially and ideally, somewhere between fate and destiny, life and story, habit and vision, sacred and divine, the mature ego defers to the guidance of soul and spirit with a view towards cultivating good habits with sacred intent and manifesting lofty visions with divine intent.

In my next post, I share an unusual yet intriguing message to author a story that brings to fruition my intention to awaken rested and refreshed every morning for the rest of my life.


Have you heard? There’s a movement afoot!

It’s called growing and going with the flowing into freedom and fulfillment.

This movement informs gratitude, and inspires generosity, with and through a soul of gratitude in a spirit of generosity. As mediators, we find and follow our guidance through soul and spirit, by way of habits and visions, wholly attuned to our habits, fully aligned with our visions.

~ yours

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