The Ultimate Negotiation: 6

by Christopher Lovejoy on March 2, 2020

Have you heard of the new game called Peace and Harmony?

The aim of the game is to radiate the essence of who you are with a submissive, transmissive posture to seek to share the love of the One as it is known with and from and through the depths of self.

Submissively, you give of yourself; transmissively, you stay open to others without hesitation.

In essence, it looks something like this …

be yourself with other selves to know yourself
know yourself through other selves to give of yourself
give of yourself to other selves to free yourself

Be yourself to know yourself to give of yourself.

With this one guideline, we can negotiate almost any interaction between ourselves and other selves that has whatever potential for catalyst that exists in the potential difference between ourselves and other selves, this moderated and undergirded by the constant fact of the Creator as self and other selves. To put it more plainly, I am you and you are me and we are One.

To be ourselves implies accepting and forgiving what we come to know about ourselves with and through other selves. Then, and only then, can we be “for giving;” then, and only then, can we give of ourselves, and keep giving of ourselves, until we radiate the essence of who we are.

This requires what most of us are not willing to do: come to terms with insecurity, inadequacy, and difficulty, including all of the ways in which these can be ignored, dismissed, avoided, bypassed, suppressed, or evaded through fear and doubt, guilt and shame, regret and worry.

This emotional baggage is carried into our interactions with other selves, leading to all manner of conflict, confusion, suspicion, frustration, and misunderstanding. The solution to resolution is stupid simple: we release the will to blame and shame externals for uncomfortable feelings.

We understand, first and foremost, that such feelings ultimately come from within. We learn that our feelings are completely within our control, leaving us with a willingness to assume responsibility for them. To be sure, this process can be painful, and sometimes even terrifying, but it is only by coming to know and accept ourselves that we are liberated from our fear and pain.

It is only by coming to know and accept ourselves that we can give of ourselves freely, but it is not an easy matter to stay open to others, for when we stay open, we feel vulnerable and exposed; we recall what it was like to be blamed and shamed, flamed and fooled, ridiculed and rejected, like a slow spiritual death from a thousand cuts leading to a cold, barren, stony heart.

Many among us have been emotionally traumatized and have come to rely on mistrust, remaining defensive and keeping the heart closed to protect the essence of who we are. Staying open becomes equated with “yet another opportunity for someone to hurt me or do me harm.”

We think: “the more we open, the more we love, the more it will hurt in the end.”

But why do you suppose we were hurt?

We were hurt because we believed that if “they” did not love us back, this meant that “we do not deserve their love, and if we do not deserve this love, we do not deserve love from anyone.” We learned to be unworthy of love. But when we learn to give ourselves love, we learn we are lovable, whether or not other selves in this realm care to validate this love or lovability.

Eventually, we learn that love can be given unconditionally: through knowing, accepting, and forgiving ourselves, we open ourselves to loving other selves fearlessly, without condition, or expectation of return.

  • We no longer need to prove ourselves to other selves with our giving
  • We no longer need to think that we know better, or best, when helping
  • We no longer need to impose conditions or expectations on our loving
  • We no longer need to be “nice” to others for all of the wrong reasons
  • We no longer need to shield others from feeling the pain that serves

In short, we no longer need to indulge conditional love. Rather, with a capacity to listen ~ to receive, reflect, and respond ~ the energies of empathy and reciprocity can grow and flow with and through ourselves vulnerably, visibly, and/or intimately with and through other selves.

Needing and wanting (which implies lacking) are seen for what they are: loud, proud attempts at controlling others with the same conditional love, acceptance, approval, affection, adoration, and forgiveness that we faced from parents and caregivers as infants and children.

how do you know when we’re about to enter a nego?
when “I need” or “I want” come begging for a hearing

We know we’re about to enter a negotiation when a need or want arises to give X to Y, with respect, without regret, in exchange for Z, and we’ll know why before, during, or after the exchange is made.

In facing any sort of daily negotiation, what if we could be …

  • calm, strategic, impartial observers of others, able to sidestep emotional drama?
  • keen interpreters of cues from others, making us much better judges of character?
  • effective adepts who can dodge toxic types who cause endless emotional damage?
  • masters of the levers that motivate and influence people, to clear our paths in life?
  • mediators who know just how deep the forces of human nature operate in us all?
  • persons of care who can forge deeper, more lasting, satisfying bonds with others?
  • students of human nature with ever greater access to our own vast potentials?

To play the Game of Peace and Harmony, and to play it well, is it not clear that the ultimate negotiation, the mother of all negotiations, is one that is ongoing, day in and day out, ’til death do us part? With what we know about what lies beyond death so-called, is it not prudent to play this game well?


A Most Curious Addendum (Updated)

My experiment in the art of negotiation began with this post on the ultimate negotiation. I’ve never done anything like this before ~ actually, I don’t know anyone who has (which is not to say that no one has) ~ and so I have no idea how this tiny experiment is going to play out.

In my experience, a big part of negotiating effectively (and efficiently) is having a brain that can juggle many facts and details while applying many tactics and techniques to an exchange of value that brings mutual benefit. The following facts and details will surely test this ability.

My site hosting is coming up for renewal on Wednesday, March 4th, in the amount of $32.85 USD. Between now and then, I’ve decided I’m going to rely on donations to make this payment. If the payment is missed, this site will go down and stay down for an indefinite period.

This is my response cost for not negotiating to the best of my ability with virtual strangers (I say “virtual” because on some level, no one is really a stranger ~ just an angel masquerading as a clown). For avid readers of this site, this is their response cost for not stepping up.

The web stats indicate that this site consistently receives thousands of unique visitors per month, but even so, I understand that many of us lead busy lives and don’t have time for trivial pursuits. Still, it feels worth my while to explore the nature of negotiation with my readers.

As of Monday, March 2, 2020

Current reality = $5.35 USD (this is how much is currently in my PayPal account)

Desired result = $32.85 USD (this is how much is required to make the payment)

Payment deadline: 03.04.2020 (after this date, this site may go down indefinitely)

Am I concerned about this site going down for a while? For myself, no; I will just keep doing what I love to do. I am concerned, however, about the experience of my readers. I feel I would be remiss if I did not give them a chance to donate and keep the site going past the deadline.

I’ll be posting, and keeping readers posted, day by day, until the desired result is met or until the payment deadline passes. In the meantime, if or when the amounts donated exceed the desired result, this will be announced, and the excess, if any, will be applied to the next payment.

Even if the current target of $32.85 USD for three months of hosting is not reached in time, any funds received will be received and used with appreciation to eventually make the current payment ~ so no worries at all that your funds will not be used for the intended purpose here.

If the content on this site compels you or tickles your fancy, consider blessing it with a modest donation of $1 USD, but no more than this, as I would like others to have the opportunity to donate. If you can’t resist giving more than $1, I will set it aside until the day of the deadline.

Update, as of 02.28.2020: I’m sensing a reluctance to donate a mere dollar. I’m also sensing a wait-and-see attitude from readers. Just so you know: I’m not relying on that old persuasive standby of getting friends and family to kick start the process with an abundance of social proof.

Again, any excess on this date will be applied with appreciation to future payments (update, as of 02.27.2020: I sense I need to qualify here: any reasonable excess on this date will be applied with appreciation to future payments, in the event that some joker sends me a rather large donation, just for fun, compelling me to be accountable to my readers for this larger amount).

So if now seems like a good time to donate, would now be a bad time to donate?

You can be sure that every donation will be acknowledged personally. As always, feedback is welcome through my Contact Me page on this site. Much appreciation to those who care to {donate}.


Suggested Reading

The Ultimate Catalyst

Negotiate, Collaborate

Negotiate, Collaborate: 2

Negotiate, Collaborate: 3

Negotiate, Collaborate: 4

Negotiate, Collaborate: 5

Negotiate, Collaborate: 6

The Ultimate Negotiation

The Ultimate Negotiation: 2

The Ultimate Negotiation: 3

The Ultimate Negotiation: 4

The Ultimate Negotiation: 5


amor fati, memento mori

~ yours

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