Too Nice for My Own Good?

by Christopher Lovejoy on January 26, 2019

Can I be fairly sensitive and truly submissive without being too nice for my own good? I love this admittedly strange question (a) because I thrive on being sensitive and intuitive and (b) because the whole of me inclines towards being what I call submissive and transmissive.

For a world caught in the thrall of tyranny ~ social, political, corporate ~ this question makes no sense, but for a world where liberty stands a chance at being par for the course, such a question speaks to the promise and possibility of vulnerability at the heart of love and joy.

Speaking vulnerably for a moment, I sometimes wonder: am I being too nice (kind, polite, refined) for my own good? Of course, it doesn’t help that we live in a digitally-driven world of apparent solipsism where …

(1) personal histories have become sketchy or virtually non-existent
(2) internet users are subject to many kinds of electronic manipulation
(3) family and community bonds have grown weaker and less protective
(4) most entertainment culture celebrates bad as good and wrong as right

For the most part, individuals are left to their own devices (quite literally); they live through their devices, their constant companions, and if they are smart and savvy about their use, they display the most appealing pictures of themselves, editing out the mad, bad, sad, sick bits.

Unless, of course, they can use said bits as promotional contrast for some truly extraordinary bits by which to sell themselves as individuals of consequence who can radically and dramatically grow, change, and improve their lives and livelihoods, and help others do the same.

But I digress.

So here’s the problem, which I take as a challenge …

(a) currently, I have no interest in doing social media
(b) currently, I have no internet connection of my own
(c) currently, I have no interest in making online friends
(d) currently, I have no internet connection on my phone

I say “currently” because I do understand that digital involvement can be a hybrid affair, where equal treatment is given to living in a world mediated by bits and bytes and to living in a world manifested by flesh and blood ~ provided one doesn’t get swept away by the data.

I cannot, however, imagine losing myself in the currents of social media, of being superficial in my interests, of being shallow with my friends, of being wedded to a smart device that would in any way suggest having a digital addiction ~ I’m simply too wise to being eaten alive by digits.

I prefer face to face with flesh and blood; I prefer a direct presence, not a digital one. For me, digital devices are tools ~ nothing more, nothing less. In my world, I like to think that flesh ‘n blood comes first.

I realize now that we live, for the most part, in a cold and barren world, where being nice to one another is rarely if ever the point, except to get or take something from someone. Most of the action in this world is now taking place online, in a dry digital world of taps ‘n texts, pics ‘n vids.

In light of this worldly context gone mad, allow me to re-pose my question:

Can I be fairly sensitive and truly submissive without being too nice for my own good? In re-posing it, I understand that “being too nice for my own good” can refer to any one or more of the following sticking points, which I present with and from a first-person, in-depth perspective …

  • I need others to like me, to accept me and respect me, or at least not hate me
  • I worry that I might be hurting the feelings of others or rubbing them the wrong way
  • I crave the attention and validation of others like an addict craves the next fix
  • I dismiss myself for the good of others when I let others take advantage of me
  • I neglect myself when I give into guilt and fail to set reasonable boundaries
  • I circumvent conflict, fearing that if I come into conflict, I’ll have nothing to give
  • I pride myself on being a good girl/nice guy when I’m in the presence of others
  • I must at least be willing to follow rules and orders without incident or question
  • I bypass myself when I think that taking care of myself is just another option
  • I confess that I get sick, tired, or sick and tired more often than I would like
  • I feel tense, anxious, nervous, and on-edge with others more often than not
  • I hold myself to impossibly high standards when it comes to helping or pleasing
  • I expect myself and my interactions with others to be pitch perfect in every way
  • sabotage myself to no end because I too often neglect to ask for what I need
  • I react to myself as I tend to be sensitive to criticism, even when it’s constructive
  • I undermine myself when I think my ideas, opinions, or feelings are not as important
  • I yearn to fix others when they’re feeling sad, hurt, afraid, angry, upset, or uncomfortable
  • I resent being asked to do more; please consider my needs and feelings for a change

In the face of such a someone, can anyone here say “tip-toeing through the eggshells”?

Here’s my take on the eggshells, which I offer as guidelines for conduct, online and offline, and as food for thought when meeting someone for the first time or when getting to know someone for the first time …

Being fairly sensitive means … “I prefer to be treated with respect, but I no longer expect it.”

Being fairly sensitive means … “I will rarely if ever hurt your feelings or rub you the wrong way.”

Being fairly sensitive means … “I don’t expect your validation for every little thing I say or do.”

Being truly submissive means … “I reserve the right to raise a protective shield at any time.”

Being truly submissive means … “As I do not sow seeds of conflict, I fear no conflict with you.”

Being truly submissive means … “I will rarely if ever take advantage of you and your good will.”

Being truly submissive means … “I follow rules that make sense; I follow orders that I can respect.”

Being fairly sensitive means … “I understand all too well that taking care of myself is a necessity.”

Being fairly sensitive means … “I reserve the right keep your insecurities and anxieties at bay.”

Being truly submissive means … “I hold myself to reasonable standards of conduct and behavior.”

Being truly submissive means … “I do not confuse what I need with what I want; if I need, I ask.”

Being fairly sensitive means … “I welcome constructive criticism, but I may need time to process.”

Being truly submissive means … “Your ideas, opinions, and feelings are as important as my own.”

Being fairly sensitive and truly submissive means … “I am willing to lend an ear when you feel sad, hurt, afraid, angry, upset, or uncomfortable, but I reserve the right to let you be responsible for how you feel.”

Being fairly sensitive and truly submissive means … “I am always willing to consider doing more or better or faster for you, but I also reserve the right to take my own needs and feelings into account first.”

Bottom line? Be fair ‘n firm, yet flexible.

Now let’s take all this to the next level …

Must We Castrate Ourselves to Evolve and Ascend?

Let me be clear from the outset: this is a serious question.

When I use the term “castrate,” I trust you know I don’t mean it literally ~ that is, physically, chemically, or even psychologically. Rather, I am speaking to the matter of spiritual castration, a prolonged process of deprivation and devaluation with which you might not be familiar.

Incidentally, this matter applies to everyone, regardless of gender.

In the psychoanalytic literature, castration refers to a process of calling out and countering insecure and immature tendencies towards being omnipotent ~ in other words, towards being “high and mighty” ~ to ensure that growth and maturation take place through social integration.

The reasoning goes something like this: by coming to a realization that one is not omnipotent on any level, one can then seek and find value in social interaction. Apophatically speaking, if one is not castrated, one cannot participate in society, regardless of its race and culture.

A process of growth and maturation is a prolonged process of continual loss; the pain of growing up is the pain of being castrated over and over again, of being cut down to size, so to speak, but the difficulty of spiritual castration is that it must be forced on others by others.

A quick example: it is obvious when extroverted individuals are cut down to size; where introverted individuals are concerned, their silence might all too easily be construed by extroverted individuals as omnipotence, and so the silence, for them, must be called into question.

Let me try to put the challenge of spiritual castration into a nutshell …

the temptation to assert oneself as a being of infinite possibilities
is akin to the temptation to disavow one’s own spiritual castration;
one cannot ever hope or wish to be castrated by one’s own hand

To complicate the matter of spiritual castration even further, this ultimate claim ~ “one cannot ever hope or wish to be castrated by one’s own hand” ~ is both true and not true. As truth is truth in context, how would this odd claim be true and how might this odd claim not be true?

Clearly, for those who indulge Pride, pretense, and prejudice, castration by one’s own hand is simply not possible. On the other hand, those for whom Pride, pretense, and prejudice get in the way of spiritual ascension, castration might not only be taken as possible but desirable.

What might this look and feel like to the would-be spiritual ascender?

a readiness and willingness to accept and forgive, to attune and align,
so as to be accepting and for giving, attuning and aligning as required

Yes I know, it sounds like a riddle, so let’s break it down …

Attunement and alignment are, respectively, what make acceptance and forgiveness possible. Attunement, being a matter of heart and soul, is attunement to value at the heart of soul. Likewise, alignment, being a matter of mind and spirit, is alignment with value in the mind of spirit.

So, for example, when I accept, I re-attune myself to loving kindness, and when I forgive, I re-align myself with a spirit of generosity. As I persist with this attunement and alignment without Pride, pretense, and prejudice, I re-position myself to be ever more accepting and forgiving.

To be ever more accepting and forgiving (that is, to be ever more for … giving) is to be ever more accepting and forgiving of oneself, first and foremost, so as to be ever more accepting and forgiving of others, where meeting or exceeding countless expectations is concerned.

The challenge of meeting or exceeding countless expectations is the challenge of a being of infinite possibilities. Perhaps the mother of all questions can be posed as follows: is the challenge of meeting or exceeding countless expectations being faced with a secure and mature knowing? Or is this challenge of meeting or exceeding countless expectations being faced with an insecure and immature knowing?

Those for whom Pride, pretense, and prejudice get in the way of spiritual ascension, spiritual castration might be contrued as evolving and ascending from an insecure, immature knowing into a secure and mature knowing by facing up to the challenge of countless expectations.

As such, a spiritually pure castration would mean giving up any and all expectations so as to concentrate on negotiating and navigating the countless expectations of others; one, in effect, becomes a mirror for healing, honing, and handling the countless expectations of others.

But what if one hopes and wishes for something more? That is, what if one harbors the hope and wish that at least one expectation be met or exceeded for oneself and oneself alone? What might this look and feel like? Would such harboring not open the door to having countless expectations?

As I said, I like to be sensitive and intuitive and I live to be submissive and transmissive. In line with sensitivity and submission, I invite you to take a moment to identify with the following affirmation:

I feel forever vulnerable to any and all moments of intimacy
in view of ecstasy, by way of beauty, harmony, and serenity

The key word in this affirmation is “vulnerable,” which, as a sensitive and a submissive, I construe very positively. Without vulnerability, there can be no prospect of intimacy, and without intimacy, there can be no prospect of ecstasy, and without ecstasy, wherein lies vitality?

Now here is where things begin to sound really strange …

Do we live in a universe that favors spiritual castration?

Before you howl in protest, hear me out on this; you just might learn a thing or three about what makes this universe tick (and tock) and what makes this universe hum (as well as hem and haw).

Every universe in the Omniverse has a density profile ~ a profile of densities that give rise to a profile of energetic frequencies that condition the conduct and behavior of those who inhabit these respective densities and frequencies. Here’s an overview of what I’m talking about …


density 1: water and crystals acquire experience with presence through a primal awareness
density 2: microbes, plants, and animals acquire experience through growth in consciousness
density 3: human beings potentiate and polarize, either in service to self or in service to other

density 4: human beings evolve and ascend, either through more compression or compassion
compression: a sympathetic consciousness of distress in self with a desire to alleviate it wisely
compassion: a sympathetic consciousness of distress in others with a desire to alleviate it wisely

density 5: beings of light evolve and ascend with wisdom in service to self or in service to other
wisdom: a capacity for moral and practical discernment in service to self or in service to other

density 6: beings of light evolve and ascend beyond duality and polarity into harmony with unity
compassionate wisdom: a capacity for moral and practical discernment in offering compassion

density 7: beings of light evolve and ascend thru a gateway of infinity to be a witness to all that is
density 8: beings of light evolve and ascend to support the transition to yet another octave profile

This information is accessible through the Law of One material and represents a close approximation. For my purposes here and now, I will put my focus on the transition between densities 3 and 4, as this is where humanity presently finds itself on Earth, as of this writing.

For human beings to evolve and ascend spiritually, that is to say, for human beings to be harvested spiritually, they absolutely must potentiate and polarize in one direction or another, either in service to self or in service to other; there are no exceptions to this universal rule.

For those beings of light among us who have already potentiated and polarized in service to other prior to incarnation, they absolutely must remain potentiated and polarized if they wish to return to their native densities (4th, 5th, or 6th) after they pass from their incarnations.

In other words, no one gets out alive without doing the work.

That is, no one gets out alive without doing the work of awakened, enlightened, empowered consciousness. We all seem to be faced with a cosmic obligation that runs counter to seeking, finding, and having a loving, lusting, lasting intimacy with vitality in and out of ecstasy.

Take a moment to think about what this actually means.

The transition between third and fourth density consciousness is the lynchpin for the entire octave of densities; one of two relationships with compression and compassion must be cultivated un-self-consciously to evolve and ascend: 95%+ compression or 51%+ compassion.

It’s that simple.

Someone who is 95% contracted in service to self can still be compassionate 5% of the time and still be eligible to evolve and ascend to the next level with others of a similar vibrational profile.

Someone who is 51% expanded in service to others can still be compressed 49% of the time and still be eligible to evolve and ascend to the next level with others of a similar vibrational profile.

The current unseen battle for planet Earth is a battle to see which vibrational profile prevails. This world only seems miserable, depraved, or insane because this planetary battle is not being given its due in the minds and hearts of those who would truly understand what is going on.

Getting back to the matter of spiritual castration, can you see and feel how the first group 95% contracted in service to self (STS) might view and treat its presence and promise in a way that is diametrically opposed to the second group 51% expanded in service to other (STO)?

For the STS crowd (polarized or polarizing in service to self), castration is a matter of control ~ a castrated love of self in service to self. For the STO crowd (polarized or polarizing in service to other), castration is a matter of release ~ a castrated love of other in service to other.

With the control of compression, the STS soul can absorb ever more love and light.

With the release of compassion, the STO soul can radiate ever more love and light.

Distress is central to both compression and compassion. Without distress of any kind, one could not compress inward for the sake of self; without distress of any kind, one could not expand outward in service to others and be compassionate with anyone, not even oneself.

With distress, expectation is possible, for without distress, how is expectation possible?

Likewise, …

With expectation, distress is possible, for without expectation, how is distress possible?

As I said, I like to be sensitive and intuitive and I live to be submissive and transmissive. In line with sensitivity and submission, I invite you to take yet another moment to tap and taste this affirmation:

I feel forever vulnerable to any and all moments of intimacy
in view of ecstasy, by way of beauty, harmony, and serenity

Again, the key word here is “vulnerable,” for without vulnerability, there can be no prospect of intimacy, and without intimacy, there can be no prospect of ecstasy, and without ecstasy, wherein lies vitality?

If I feel positively vulnerable to prospects of intimacy, could I remain vulnerable? Or would I need an expectation to so re-main? If I set the intention to re-main vulnerable to prospects of intimacy, do I also not have an expectation around re-maining vulnerable to said prospects?

Not necessarily.

The intention need not be coupled with an expectation, but rather be in line with a preference. As and when I keep my eye on the intention by way of preference rather than expectation, the attention goes where the energy flows even as the energy flows where the attention goes.

I have a sense of what it requires, at least for me, to re-main vulnerable to ongoing prospects of intimacy on the way to ecstasy: objects and subjects of beauty and harmony with which to receive, reflect, and respond serenely, re-maining open to ecstasy for the sake of vitality.

the basic formula

I remain vulnerable to moments of intimacy to reach a constancy of ecstasy,
responding with sincerity to the objects and subjects of beauty and harmony,
surrendered serenely, with vitality, to flowing intimately in and out of ecstasy

I dare say, and here I am going out on a limb, this basic formula is a formula that seems well suited for 7th density work in negotiating and navigating the ongoing transition between 3rd and 4th densities.

This is not to suggest that I am a 7th density being of light, although from what I know about the nature of the cosmic true Self, I do have access to the totality of my being, which inhabits 7th density. By remaining separate from it, at least a little, I get to play in 3rd density.

Knowing this, I transcend the work required to remain potentiated and polarized.

Without expectation, without distress, I transcend the work of potentiating and polarizing in favor of self or other with a vulnerable, preferable albeit selective attention on realizing an intention that has no need of expectation, thereby forgoing the need for spiritual castration.

With a firm preference only, how can a sinkhole of indifference ever open up?

the basic formula

I remain vulnerable to moments of intimacy to reach a constancy of ecstasy,
responding with sincerity to the objects and subjects of beauty and harmony,
surrendered serenely, with vitality, to flowing intimately in and out of ecstasy

By the same token, one re-mains vulnerable and available to the task of negotiating and navigating the expectations of others (along with their distress that comes with not meeting them), all the while re-maining intent on tending to the basic formula offered above. In a manner of speaking, one can re-main “high and mighty” without seeming so ~ that is to say, without being too harsh or nice for one’s own good.

The golden key is attention with intention without expectation: in an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I allow myself to be fairly sensitive and truly submissive without being too harsh or nice for my own good.

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